A love letter.

To my one and only,

It’s taken me too long to write this.  Excuse my poor timing and word fumbling and general awkwardness.  I get like that when I’m in love.  Yes, there, I said it.  I’m in love with you.  It feels so good to say it out loud… if you only knew how badly I want to shout it from the (highest) rooftops!

 As long as I’ve known you (it seems like forever), it’s been the same story.  I’d come visit, we’d spend some time together, share some special moments, and then part ways.  Each time would be an entirely new experience.  It was like I was always seeing you from a new angle, learning every inch of your map, and essentially meeting you all over again.  I felt like I was opening so many doors with you, exploring and learning, even while sometimes getting lost along the way.  The mystery, the thrill of the unknown… I should have recognized the very first time that I was falling for you.

But it wasn’t until recently that I just knew.  I must not have seen the flashing signs before, but I should have guessed a long time ago that I would end up here… it seems meant to be.  In the time we’ve been apart, even with all the distance between us (which, by the way, I take full responsibility for.  I’m so sorry.  It wasn’t you, it was me.) I’ve felt nothing but a nagging emptiness, which I knew that only you could fill.  It turns out freedom ain’t nothin’ but missin’ you (Look, now I’ve even turned to Taylor Swift references… something is terribly awry).   

What better way, I thought, to express my love than by telling you all of the reasons why I care for you so much?  I’m not trying to be too gushy or romantic, but I think it’s the only way to truly express what I feel.  And, since this declaration of love may be a shock to you, I should justify my reasoning. 

You… are old and young at the same time.  You are fresh, but classic.  Weathered, but glistening.  I’ll admit, you sometimes get a little too dirty for my liking, but you clean up well and you’re always trying to improve, which is what really counts.  You might be a little rough around the edges, but I know deep in your center there is a place of beauty, growth, and peace.  You have such a compelling, complicated history, but you are always looking forward and upward.   (Basically, you present these mind-blowing dichotomies that make me all kinds of crazy about you). 

You inspire me more than anything else has in my lifetime.  We’ve shared excitements and disappointments (you can’t win all the time).  You make me crazy, but in a good way.  In one day, you can make me want to be a writer, an artist, a singer, a model, a doctor, a baseball player… you force me to see myself as I am, and in your reflection I also see my potential (I may feel like I’m stuck, but you remind me that there’s nothing a few more years of school and a good power suit can’t fix).  I know I’ll never be as cultured as you (some of what you like is kind of out there), but as long as you don’t all of a sudden start listening to country music I think we’ll be okay.

In all seriousness, I know you’ve been through a lot lately, and although I couldn’t be there for you at your most trying of times, I’m sure you know you were in my thoughts and prayers.  I hurt for you, seeing you recover from chaos and slowly rebuild.  I’m so proud that you’ve bounced back and are now standing taller than ever.  You never wavered in your values, and instead of running from tragedy, you faced it without fear.  I am in awe when I recognize your strength, your acceptance, and your drive to be the best.  

 The problem is, my love, I’ve accepted that this letter won’t change a thing between us.  I have a sinking feeling that if we ever parted ways permanently, I’d be the only one nursing a broken heart.  You probably wouldn’t even notice I was gone.  You’ve changed my life in so many ways, yet I’m sure I hardly left any impression on you.  I don’t mind, though.  It’s enough for me to have just been in your presence, to have learned so much, to have shared the time that we did.  I do wish we could be together forever, but it’s just not practical.  Starcrossed lovers... I’m sure we’ll see each other again.  Maybe one day you’ll wake up and realize how much you’ve missed me, call me up, and we’ll go from there.  I’m not counting on it, but a girl can dream.

I love you, New York City.  Don’t ever forget that.

Yours always,

Sarah Louise