Nightowl without a purpose.

I've let myself fall (back) into the terrible habit of not sleeping.  Like, college-style.  The hey-it's-1-am-and-there's-nothing-I-need-to-be-doing-but-it's-not-2-yet-so-I'm-going-to-stay-up-because-I-can style.  The problem is, unlike college-style, I still have to get up for work at the same time every day.  I'd blame it on my friends that I stay out late with some nights, but even then I come home and bum around for an hour or two before I decide it's time to be unconscious.  It has nothing to do with wanting to stay awake or being productive.  I just can't make myself go to bed.  I was reeeeally good about sleeping over the summer, but in the recent months have lost all sense of regularity with my schedule.  Goober doesn't help by chomping on his cage in the middle of the night wanting a snack, either!

As a side note, it bothers me a little when my work supervisor tells me I look sleepy... every day.  I may be tired, but didn't I just spend 20 minutes putting my face on so I wouldn't look that way?  Fail.

And since I have this problem to fight against, if I'm not careful this could become a vicious cycle. 

Moral of the story:  someone needs to yell at me to go to bed at a reasonable time.  And then show me how to do my makeup so I don't look like a zombie.

No Money November

This has been an expensive month for me.  I've spent my budget... twice over.   What in the world happened?

-Four new tires... when the tire guy openly laughs at my tires, it's time for new ones.
-One round-trip plane ticket home for Christmas
-Car insurance. 
-Rent for my new apartment... while still paying for my old one
-Necessary items for new apartment... Walmart owns my soul.
-Goober food... he is a bottomless PIT of a guinea pig!
-People food
-A year's supply of contacts
-Gas to drive to work/temple/airport

Holy cow.  On that note, I am THANKFUL for:

-Hopefully once again having traction on the road and not being forced to ask others to help push my car out of an inch of snow.
-Being able to travel across the country in a mere four hours to see my family.  Doesn't that blow your mind??
-My car in general.  It has been my most faithful little diesel companion these past three years of my incredibly transient life.  Where would I be without it (literally and figuratively speaking)?
-An amazing new apartment with a wonderful roommate.  She is crazy like me, which makes every day that much better :)  AND.  I live next to the Walmart.  Really.  You can't get any closer.  I love being able to walk there if I just need one or two things! 
-My little best friend Goobie-doobie-doo.  He only lets me sleep until my alarm every once in a while, but cute little squeaks aren't the worst way to wake up.  All he wants is a little carrot, can you blame him? 
-Having food in the first place.  Cooking/eating is a necessary evil in life.  I used to love cooking.  Hopefully I will again one day.  But until then, I'm thankful for cheese quesadillas, PB&J, cereal, and pudding cups. 
-Sight.  The correct perscription.  I'm going to be a nearly blind old lady with coke-bottle-thick glasses at the rate my eyes are going, but at least I can see now :)  And my health.  I'm not missing any limbs, or teeth... just a few of my marbles but that's it.
-MY JOB.  Without it, I wouldn't have money to spend.  Or a car to drive.  Or money for Goober and people food.  THE TEMPLE (see my previous post) for the peace and direction it affords.  FRIENDS to drive to the airport in the first place. 

Happy (late) Thanksgiving!

I don't really do "favorites."  I don't have a "top 5" movie list (excluding my inexplicable obsession with the Pirates of the Caribbean series).  I don't have a desert island list of books, or an if-you-could-only-save-five-things-in-a-house-fire-what-would-you-take contingency plan (Goober is a given, don't worry).  I guess I'm not really a "stuff" person.  I have a few favorite people... it's more of a rotating list.  BUT.  I can say with unwavering certainty that I have a favorite place.

It is the temple. 



LDS temples are places of beauty and peace.  They offer opportunities for members of my church to perform sacred ordinances for themselves and those that have passed on.  It is not a stretch to say that you can be closer to Heavenly Father in this place than any other on earth.

A recent blessing has been the announcement of the Fort Collins Colorado temple.  I didn't appreciate having a temple nearby (growing up it 6-7 hours to Washington D.C. and then about two hours to Manhattan when that one was built) until I lived in Provo.  The Provo temple was at most a five-minute drive (although once inside the wait was usually over an hour), and it was fantastic to have that sacred place so accessible to me.  Now, it's again a two-hour drive to the Denver temple.  It's entirely worth the time and gas money to have the experience of attending... but I'm not going to say no to a ten-minute drive :)  Two years til it's finished!

Winter Wonderland

It snowed on Wednesday.  It wasn't the two feet that is still causing blackouts throughout most of Connecticut and the northeast, but it was a solid six inches, in mid-October.  Awkward.  I grew up with tons of snow every year.  In the forth grade in Connecticut, our plow man/neighbor once dug a path from the front door to the driveway after a major storm, so we could get to school.  The snow on either side was taller than I was!  So, normally six inches wouldn't have been an issue, but since it is still so early in the season for snow, none of the trees had decided to drop their leaves yet (which obviously is a conscious decision they make).  The problem was that the snow was heavy and wet, and the poor little leaves were holding onto the branches for dear life... when I walked outside the next morning, it looked like a serial tree murderer had run rampant through the town.  Hardly a tree stood without some branches cracked or snapped right off.  The tree in front of my apartment staircase was bent so far over I actually had to climb through the branches (still attached) to get to my car.  It was... an adventure.

(photo stolen from Sarah B)

Historically, I've always allowed the snow and cold and my body's inability to control my internal temperature get to me.  I mope and whine and shake my fist at nature because of frizzy hair, numb toes, and wierd entire-body chills I endure perpetually throughout the winter months.

(This is usually what I look like six months out of the year.  Freshman year anyone?)

I was on the road to that last week when I first heard about the ridiculously-it's-too-early-for-this-garbage-foot-stomping-but-then-you-get-snow-in-your-shoes-unfair storm on its way.  I watched in horror and misery as the monsterous angry clouds came over the mountains and subsequently ate them.  I even felt the first few snowflakes on my ill-prepared bare arms as I ran hunched to my car.  I pretended it wasn't happening, thinking if I refused to acknowledge it, it just wouldn't happen.  Then I went to Zumba.  When I came out, a good inch or two had already fallen.  I almost cried.  True story.  On my way home after a few more errands, I was stuck behind a coordinated staggered three-plow caravan and spent the extra time contemplating the next six months of bundled-up misery.

The next morning, I woke up.  It had all been a dream!  Horray!  It was bright and sunny and warm outside.  FALSE.  It was still snowing.  And the trees were sad because their limbs were all broken off and they were naked stalks sticking out of the piles of white death. 

(photo stolen from Mark)

But somehow, overnight, my entire mindset had changed.  My unconscious mind had decided this winter would be different.  Sure, I will have those awkward chills that make me look like I'm having a seizure and allow others to openly mock me.  No, I will not be able to feel my toes until June.  Those things are unavoidable.  BUT.  I have boots that keep the snow out and sweaters that keep some heat in.  And hot showers.  And a car with seat warmers, even though it's already gotten stuck (tender mercy: friends that will help dig it out!).  And an electric blanket.  And an apartment with heat (even though I've already ruined several items of clothing by letting them get too close to the heater).  And hot chocolate.  And thick socks, and fleece pajamas, and...

Yep.  Bring it on, Colorado.  I'm ready for you this year.

"I make bad look... so good!"

Once upon a time... and by that, I mean Thursday night, Nathan called.  He needed help with his costume, the one he had previously refused to tell me about.  I met him at Walmart at 9:30.  He was in the fabric aisle (not a good sign).  He gave me one guess as to what he wanted to be:  Megamind.  Of course!  It's been his favorite movie for months.  An animated movie, about a big-headed (literally and metaphorically) blue alien.  He looks something like this:

I left Nate's house around one in the morning, after having created what we thought was a pretty good replica... for a last-minute no-sewing project.  Fabric, liquid stitch, cardboard and aluminum foil.  And face paint.  THIS is the masterpiece:

Nate's roommate Josh was brainwashed after being forced to watch the movie several times.  So, he turned into Metro Man.  

The two of them together were hilarious.  They really do make great roommates.  My favorite part is Josh's tape-wrapped shoes :)

We went to a party.  We saw my future roommate/fellow newsie (what I dressed up as, with her and Madi).

Spencer and Cheryl are Harry Potter addicts.  Can you tell?  :)

The genie and I!  "Can you see the glitter on my eyes?  CAN YOU?"  I love Sariah!

(photo stolen from Saundra)

 Oh look, the other two newsies (minus my suspenders, which did not really stand up to an entire night of dancing)!  And Megamind with his new facepaint.  All in all, it was a pretty fun Halloween weekend!

CDA (Coke Drinkers Anonymous)

Hi, I'm Sarah...

(Hi, Sarah)

...and I have a problem..  I've heard it said "once an addict, always an addict."  Addictions are powerful.  Somehow your body becomes convinced you need this external influence to be happy, or in more extreme cases, to merely survive.  I saw an episode of NCIS at the gym the other day, where a girl was so stuck on getting a cocaine fix she was willing to take it from inside her dead brother's body (who had swallowed it to get it across the border).  It was like watching a train wreck.

On that disgusting note (I'll blame it on Halloween), I need to throw something out there.  I am an addict.  Not drugs, not alcohol, not anything as wild as from that show "Strange Addictions" (think soap eating).  I'm addicted to a seemingly innocuous, American-as-it-gets little devil of a habit.

Ridicuolous, isn't it? 

As a member of the LDS church, we follow a set of rules called the Word of Wisdom.  We don't drink, smoke, experiment with drugs, drink coffee or tea, and it even recommends a specific dietary style (grains, vegetables, with little meat).  I have no problem with following these rules, and I know that I've been blessed by not having been in situations growing up where the more extreme "mind-altering substances" were present (what I mean is, I went to/worked at Dunkin Donuts, but I just didn't party til 4am.  Make sense?) 

However.  Growing up, I never had an issue with caffeine.  We didn't have too much of it in the house (although I'm pretty sure my dad would down a 2 liter bottle each day at work... genetic predisposition perhaps?), but at parties/events/restaurants I wouldn't think twice about having a diet Coke.  It was a non-issue.  BUT.  Then I went to BYU.  BYU has an honor code which extends to the far reaches of every student's lives.  It dictates who you live with, who you can have in certain parts of your apartment (and when they can be there), and pretty obviously prohibited any kind of drugs or alcohol on campus or in students' apartments.  Caffeinated drinks weren't sold on campus.  It wasn't until I noticed the missing button on the soft drink machine that I realized some people see caffeine as a drug in the same yeah-it's-legal-but-that-doesn't-mean-it's-okay way I look at pot since I've moved to Colorado.

A few months (weeks?  hours?) into my freshman year at BYU, I knew I was in trouble.  I'd never depended on anything to keep me awake before, even after enduring four years of early-morning seminary (5am mornings anyone?), a part-time after-school job, homework and irregular stage crew schedules.  But then came college.  Classes.  Friends.  Boys.  General recklessness.  As soon as I found a friend going to Walmart, I tagged along and bought a case of soda, thinking it would help with those extra-early (10AM) mornings.

Fast forward three years.  By senior year, I was completely hooked.  I bought a 20-can pack each month (I only drank on weekdays...) and it was a well-known fact around the chemistry department that if I didn't have my Coke in hand, I was not to be spoken to for fear of unfiltered retaliation or mumbling.  It wasn't necessarily that bad, but I just wasn't awake until I'd had my Coke.  My lowest point was probably this:

Kidding.  A little.

Anyway.  Toward the end of senior year, I met two boys.  One was named Nathan, and he was pretty cute.  He didn't really approve of my caffeine addiction.  I know, I know, don't let others' opinions dictate your actions... but like I said, he was cute.  The other boy was named Mike.  Mike and I were fast friends, and he also called me on my habit.  I made a deal with Mike that I would stop drinking Coke after I graduated (only a month or two away at that point) and he promised he'd call to make sure I did.  Graduation came.  In the spirit of keeping promises and impressing boys, I quit cold turkey (although I don't know what turkey has to do with anything).  Mike did call me a week or two later to make sure I'd held up my end of the deal.  I had.  It was rough, but I did it.

Fast forward to present day.  It's hard.  It really is.  As of this moment, I've been Coke-sober for... 3 hours (today was an especially rough day, followed by an especially long night).  It was easy to quit and not think about it when I wasn't working in a place that has Coke just sitting there... free... staring me in the face...  I really have quit 98% of the way.  But the sound of that can opening, the fizz, the way it burns the back of your throat in that hurts-so-good kind of way... I'll always love it.  I'll always fight it, and sometimes I'll give in, but I will continue trying.

I know it's dumb.  But when I think about it, and how I struggle with a petty, non-life-threatening dumb little habit, it makes me appreciate the struggles that real addicts face every day.  I can't even imagine being addicted to something my body craved to the point that I would be willing to give up health, family, friends, and life for it.  And even after "winning" the battle, realizing the fight to not go back is never over...  It really is unfathomable.

Around the country in 30 days.

I feel guilty for not keeping up with writing... but I've been a busy little girl this past month.  Last minute decisions, caravan trips, family reunions, long-time-in-coming-weddings... all in the past month.  It's been unbelievable!  And exhausting.  But mostly fantastic.  More details to come, but here's a short history in pictures:  

One weekend I decided last-minute I desperately needed to have some girl time with my college love Ashley.  After a day of errands and Costa Vida and remembering that life is good, I enjoyed a quiet moment at the Provo temple.  I was the only one waiting in the baptistery chapel at one point.  How often does that happen?  It was a beautiful experience.

My grandchildren.  After "adopting" some ducks last summer, I had to stop by the duck pond at the edge of BYU campus to see how our little family was doing. 

Driving through Utah... I have come to not despise the mountains.  It's a pretty big step for me.

Next stop:  New York!  I spent Labor Day weekend with my grandparents and uncle.  There's nothing more relaxing than their house with nothing to do but read, cross-stitch, and listen to their stories.  A day in the city with Uncle Mark was the icing on the cake!

Ground  Zero.  Going to the city a week before the ten-year anniversary of September 11th was a sobering moment.  The strength and drive of those people humble me.

Two words... mmm hmm!

Yankees game with my favorite uncle?  Yes please!  I LOVE the new stadium!

Back to Utah for General Conference!  This was my attempt at an "artsy" edit of my photo of the Salt Lake Temple.  The caravan trip (three cars) we all took to get there was in itself quite the experience... I learned a lot that weekend.  And there's nothing quite like having testimony borne so strongly to you that it leaves you feeling like nothing could be more true than the words of the Prophet.

Probably the most exciting (and recent) adventure... CALIFORNIA!  I had been once before, to visit Nathan's family for Christmas break last year.  But he wouldn't take me to the ocean (in his defense, it was supposedly a three-hour drive) so until this week I'd never officially been to the other side of the country.  This is Laguna Beach... gorgeous!

The man of the hour.  We bonded while waiting for Rachel to have her hair done.

The princess herself!  We had to help her get dressed in a beach restroom for her bridals.  It was tricky to make sure the dress was kept clean while getting her into it!  She is an unbelievably beautiful bride.

The resort where she had her photos done... breathtaking. 

Tawnee showed us her stomping ground in San Diego.  A giant suspension bridge in the middle of the night?  Sure.  Ending the adventure with chocolate from Extraordinary Desserts downtown?  Perfect!

On our way to the wedding!

He really was giddy in love.  After two years of dating?  FINALLY!

Temple #3... the San Diego temple.  It looks like a fairytale castle!  

Best part of the trip?  Spending quality time with my long-lost best friends.  Meeting new ones.  Loving love!

I promise, more pictures/details later.  Chew on this for now!